When Clare suggested writing a guest blog post, I knew exactly what I would write about.
I always imagined myself gracefully parachuting into the role of stay at home mum. Lets just say I fell flat on my proverbial face.
From the moment I found out I was pregnant with my first child, anything that could go wrong – did go wrong.
I had an awfully traumatic end of pregnancy and birth, and alot of months of emotional mental and physical healing.
The subsequent birth and first few months were spent in a haze of tears, fears and hunger. Hunger for a different life, an easier baby, a better me….. and real, languishing hunger for food (no seriously, I RARELY ate)!
Four years on I have three beautiful little ones (the last two; thankfully made a much easier and enjoyable entrance into the world) and although I spend my time eating the rejected food I slave over the stove to cook for them, I’m still hungry.
Motherhood is wonderful, the knowledge that you can contribute a wonderful little person to the world is incredible. But lets be frank, sometimes its also messy, awful and thankless.
No one else can possibly understand how much of ourselves we give to our children, our families – and yet we still expect more of ourselves.
I am sure I am not the only one that goes to bed thinking of where I failed throughout the day….
Did I play with my children enough? Did I feed them enough nutritious food? I yelled so much, do they even know I love them?
Hunger for gratitude from these little people and big person, that we support and assist daily, hunger for adult conversation, more than a few hours consecutive sleep.
We spend our maiden years in a state of self denial. Its okay to not feel okay with that.
And in fact, its okay to not be okay in general.
As women, we put so much pressure on ourselves. To be a gentle, nurturing mother, to have a clean house and excelling education or career. Heck we even preen and squeeze our bodies into whats expected of us.
What do we do when we realize that’s not achievable? When someone points out where we are failing? Or when we are laying in bed late wondering however we will face the next day?
Build your village.
Mothers who have been there.
Family who will love you and pick up the pieces.
I have a supportive, albeit small village – and it makes a world of difference on the dark days.
Swallow your pride and ask for help. Find and acknowledge the people who you know wont judge you when you ring up and ask them to take your baby so you don’t hurt him out of absolute exhaustion and stress (and yes, that feeling is normal too, not something only a “monster” feels. Completely normal, ask any mum who has done if for a good chunk of time!!!!)
Accept that no one “gets” the enormity of your job. This is something im still working on myself. LOVE and appreciate and be PATIENT with yourself. This is no easy gig.
And most of all, wrap up your expectations and throw them to the fire.
The best advice I ever received was from a friend upon finding out I was having my third baby.
She told me to create a new version of normal.
Let go of my expectations of myself and just “mum”.
Sometimes that will look fantastic and wonderful, other days it will look like uncombed hair, cake on your face and rocking in the corner.
Both are okay.
You are okay.
Your child is okay.
Life will be okay.
Just wait and see
From a mother who has been in the corner 🙂
Guest Blog @ Relaxed Parenting Blog by Penny