Are you a full-time mother? Are you the main carer of your child?
I am a full-time carer of our 8-month-old baby girl. It has been the most wonderful journey. In fact the best journey I have ever been on. Through pregnancy I loved watching my body change and grow and feeling the little human we created move around and become a person with its own personality. The day I gave birth. This just blows my mind to think back on that day and I feel so proud of how I handled it all and got through it, to end the day with the birth of our baby… a GIRL! My mini me.
The past 8 months have been fantastic, watching her develop and grow and turn into a cheeky little human. Caring for her, feeding her, having interrupted sleeps, traveling with her, having her by my side every day,taking her along with me to each and every place I go.
My partner goes away a bit with work so I am used to being left at home while he is away working. Over the years I got very used to this – I didn’t like it but I learnt to make the most of it. The first time he went away after I gave birth, our daughter was 4 weeks old. He was gone for the weekend. Two whole nights on my own with our 4 week old baby. I was worried- How will I look after her on my own? What if I don’t wake up to her? How will I do it all on my own with no help? I m going to be so exhausted doing it all on my own. I survived, along with every other time he has been away. In fact it was awesome. All those years he had been away before we had our daughter and I was alone. NOW- I had our beautiful little girl to keep me company. Someone to hang out with all the time. It is tiring at times but I always have company.
Although motherhood has been the best thing I’ve ever done, and I cannot wait to extend our family and have more children for our daughter to grow up with, I do feel a bit lost and lonely at times. My family all live away from me, my partner travels with work, and my friends either don’t have children or are working. It’s hard to even pin point what it is that makes me feel lonely at times.
I have one super cheeky girl who dances, smiles, laughs, and keeps me busy. I am so proud to call myself her mother.
I guess you could say I’m a bit scared to put myself out there and get involved in activities or perhaps I am worried she is too little to make the most of some activities. I have a bunch of mothers from my Antenatal class that I was catching up with, and I still constantly talk to via Facebook in our little group chat. Some of the mothers have gone their own way and others have returned to work making it a little harder to catch up as often. I decided early on I wasn’t going to join a community mothers group as I had my own little mothers group who had been there in the final days of our pregnancies, the days we gave birth and the days following right up to this day. I didn’t need, at the time, any other support from another mothers group and felt the right connections with the mums I was already surrounded with.
Its now almost one year on since my partner and I went along to our first antenatal hospital classes where I met the other mums and dads to be. We all have our beautiful babies who range from 8-10 months. Life has settled down into everyone’s own little routine as a family of 3. Some mums have gone their own way, others returned to work.
I have also found it useful to have the connections with old and new friends via text messages and Facebook to support me during the past 8 months and during my pregnancy. One main reason I set up my blog and social media pages is to help support mums and dads and to build an online community for those who need it most. Including myself! Having someone there to listen or ask advice from, or just to be an ear when you need a chat is so important.
I love spending every minute with my daughter, and having her tag along with me. The one thing I haven’t found the solution to yet, due to various reasons, is feeling less lonely when I am at home with no real plans or places to be. The older she gets and more mobile she gets, the better this will be I am sure. We will be able to play together, go to playgroup, play at the park, go swimming (when it warms up again), go to the library, cook together, etc.
It’s OK to feel lonely, it’s OK to feel like you wish you had more time with friends and family, it’s OK to want to return to work, it’s OK to have time out from children, it’s OK to want more time with your partner. Don’t feel like you are alone feeling this way. Don’t be afraid to talk to people and tell them how you are feeling or ask for help.
Join in and help build a community on our Facebook page. We are building a community for mums and dads who are there to support one another when no one else is there to do so!
By Clare at Relaxed Parenting Blog